people who know me well enough will know that beneath that confident front lies a very inconfident and insecure soul(: prolly the insecure part is well-known but the confidence is all a lie meant to mask my inconfidence...

today coach shared with me something quite inspiring aft the match... it's something called self-awareness... he said that i dno what makes me cry what makes me happy... which i realised is prettaye true...
that was becos before the match there was this guy called mr loo.. looking at the way i did my drills with my team
coach told me: barely knowing you for only 15mins of his life he says you are a very inconfident person..
upon listening to that i felt my confidence level plunging even more=/ and the tears rolled down my cheeks without me even knowing why...
albeit i know deep in my heart that im actly very scared and inconfident i din expect anyone to smack those words right into my face right before a match

i dno whether the previous matches have eaten into my confidence but i must say the queensway match has been a truly emotional trauma and kuanren said something which made me realise since farah left and all the matches i have played.., there hasn't been a single one that i walked out brimming with confidence, without shedding a single tear... sometimes i dont even know why im very sad but this trend is really eating away my confidence...

one thing which is gna cost me and the team a lifetime's regret is to actly repeat the mistake at the finals... i wna carry on farah's braveness and her undying spirit.. why let the hard work go down the drain... i trained hard too and i believe i deserve more than this.. more than the standard im playing... charmaine and farah have really put up a superb fight for the past two seasons... i hope i can be braver than what i am now...

next up against RJ... the team really deserves more than this...